What are Your Boundaries?
If I were to ask you this question, would you be able to answer it?
Most of us were not taught about boundaries.
Not by our families. Not at school.
Some of us may have been taught that we weren’t allowed to have boundaries as children—
like being told, “Go sit on Grandpa’s lap,” even when we didn’t want to.
Maybe we weren’t allowed to say no to parents or caregivers—ever.
Many of us never saw loving boundaries communicated or maintained in a healthy way.
Instead, maybe we saw boundaries used as threats or tools of control.
So we developed a negative association with boundaries—as cold, harsh, or even mean.
We came to believe that having boundaries would push people away or disconnect us from those we love.
But here’s the thing: Even if you can’t list your boundaries, I bet you can feel when they’re crossed.
Can you?
Can you identify that moment in your body—when someone does something and your gut says,
“Nope. That wasn’t okay.”
If you thought you didn’t have boundaries—you do.
You just haven’t given them a voice yet.
Let’s clear up some boundary myths:
Myth #1: Boundaries separate and disconnect us from others.
They actually do the opposite.
Healthy boundaries create safety and respect—the foundation of real connection.
A lack of boundaries is what truly disconnects us—as resentment grows, so do avoidance and discontent.
Myth #2: Boundaries are about how other people must act toward me.
NOPE. I believed that for the longest time too.
But boundaries are not about controlling others.
Boundaries are for you.
Boundaries are about the behavior you will accept and then how YOU will act if your boundary is not respected.
This is actually great news—because we cannot control other people.
We can only control ourselves.
Healthy boundaries have two parts:
The ask (what you want or expect)
The consequence (what you will do if your boundary is not respected)
Maybe you’ve tried setting boundaries before and it didn’t go well.
That might be because you were trying to control someone else's behavior—rather than owning your own power.
Trying to control other people’s behaviors and emotions is a recipe for frustration, exhaustion, and hypervigilance.
But setting boundaries for yourself?
That’s a recipe for confidence, groundedness, and deep self-respect.
The benefits of identifying and communicating healthy boundaries are immense:
Higher self-esteem
Less overwhelm, burnout, and resentment
Healthier relationships
More energy for what really matters (because you’re no longer stuck in people-pleasing mode)
If this resonated with you—if you’re realizing it’s time to stop abandoning yourself and start honoring what you need—I’d love to support you.
I work 1:1 with individuals who are ready to set boundaries, break free from people-pleasing and perfectionism, banish burnout and create lives they love.
Book a free consultation to explore what working together could look like. No pressure—just a conversation about where you are, where you want to be, and how I can help you get there.
